


Are you there?

by SiriuslySherlocked



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brotherly Love, Brothers, Dead Papyrus (Undertale), Death, Depression, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Oneshot, Sans (Undertale) Needs a Hug, Short One Shot, Suicide Attempt, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:43:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28785147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SiriuslySherlocked/pseuds/SiriuslySherlocked
Summary: Just another unnecessarily painful oneshot about Sans grieving over Papyrus's death.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	Are you there?

It'd be so easy.

It was frightening how easy it could be.

Or at least, it used to be frightening.

Now it was a different kind of scary--more of a thrill, more exhilarating. Pap would make playful fun of him for having only one hp. Well, he used to, back when he was, y'know, alive.

Sans was slumped against the wall on the kitchen floor, noticing once again how big the house seemed to be now that his brother was gone. It was so quiet… so messy… so… Sans.

Papyrus was hardly anywhere.

But Sans made sure to keep him in sight. He regularly washed his brother's "battle body" and hung it up neatly right there in the living room. There was a container of spaghetti made by Papyrus that had been sitting in the fridge for months. Sans never planned on eating it, of course, even though given his brother's cooking skills, it'd probably taste better spoiled. Besides, it wasn't food. It was a memory.

Besides, Sans couldn't remember the last time he ate, anyway. Or slept. At night, at least. During the daytime it was almost all he could do. It wasn't as if he was even that tired. It was just a way to pass through the day without having to  _ think  _ all the time. At night, though, it was all he could do. He'd toss and turn trying to fall asleep until eventually he'd give up and go downstairs. It was stupid, but sometimes he'd take the hanger holding Papyrus's costume and lay it on the couch, and sit beside it, turning on the TV to a rerun of one of Pap's favorite shows. Personally, he didn't care much for Mettaton, but Papyrus loved him. He'd almost forget his brother wasn't actually there, until he turned to say something to him, and then his face would fall when all he saw was a costume.

Other times when he couldn't sleep and went downstairs, he'd do what he was doing right now. Grab a knife, sit on the kitchen floor, and think about how remarkably easy it would be to end all this suffering.

He wasn't sure why he hadn't done it already. He supposed he didn't have the guts… heh. Pun not intended. He smiled to himself weakly. Then he laughed a little, remembering how much his puns would bother Papyrus. What would he give to hear his shrill voice again, screaming at him to stop being lazy? Or his enraged "NYEHH!" everytime Sans made a bad joke. Sans felt his jaw tremble a little at the memories, his vision blurring a bit. 

"pap…?" He whispered, looking up at the ceiling. "are you there? somewhere? can you see me? hear me?" His grip on the knife tightened. 

No response. He didn't know what he was expecting. He raised the hand holding the knife up to his lap. Maybe he'd finally do it. It wouldn't be hard. Not at all. “papyrus…? can i join you up there…?”

Suddenly, he felt some sort of strong wave come over him, and he dropped the knife and scooted away from it in fear as if it were a cockroach. Suddenly, the idea of killing himself seemed terrifying, disgusting, horrific.

He looked up at the ceiling again. That was Papyrus, wasn’t it? Papyrus was telling him not to do it. He laughed through his tears, covering his face. “so… i can still talk to you from here?” He murmured, looking up again.

Nothing.

Well, he supposed if emotions were the only way to communicate, it might be difficult to just use in casual conversation. Or maybe him thinking this was Papyrus’s answer. He didn’t know, he was confused, and maybe whatever he had just felt was all in his head in a desperate attempt to reach his brother somehow, but feeling like he had just communicated with him felt… well, he felt a lot better than before. Now he knew Papyrus was watching over him, he knew that he was safe up there, and that he wanted Sans to keep living and move on. “i love you,” he whispered at the ceiling, and another wave of emotion washed over him. He felt loved. He could feel the incredible extent of his brother’s love for him. Papyrus was saying it back. Sans started crying again, but with some sort of weird relief and happiness. Suddenly, he was beginning to feel tired. Soothed. He trudged back up to his bedroom and fell onto his mattress again, feeling much more content. It seemed as though contacting his dead brother would have been a shocking experience, but Sans felt strangely calm. Meh, weirder things had happened to him. He shut his eyes, his thoughts floating to the bedtime stories he would read Papyrus. He knew Pap’s favorite one almost by heart. He could hear the words in his head right now, except it was Papyrus’s voice reading it. Maybe this was his work as well… reading Sans a bedtime story this time. Next thing he knew, it was morning, which meant he had apparently fallen asleep. For the first time in months, he felt pretty good.

It would take time to heal. Sometimes, Sans still found himself back on the kitchen floor with a knife. But just moments after he’d sat down, he’d feel another wave of love and hope soak through his mind and body, and he’d come to his senses. He’d return to his room, wrap himself in his blankets, and shut his eyes, letting the warmth trick him into believing it was Papyrus next to him, holding him, comforting him, telling him to keep going, that he believed in him. Maybe it really  _ was _ Papyrus there, at least in spirit. It still took a while, but eventually he was back to being himself, cracking jokes, visiting friends, eating at Grillby’s. But he’d still talk to his brother every night. Even if Papyrus couldn’t always answer, Sans still knew he was there, and that was enough for him.


End file.
